Day Seven: A Reminder

Needed to be reminded of this tonight.

"How Can I Know God's Will"

Jeff Bethke

Day Six: Finding Purpose

Melancholy. Dictionary.com defines it as a gloomy state of mind or sober thoughtfulness; pensiveness. Unfortunately it's been a word that has perfectly described my mood lately.

While trying to figure out why I've been in this mood lately, I've been picking my way through a book that I picked up months ago but just haven't really got into, called Restless by Jennie Allen. It came recommended to me as a perfect book for a college age girl, so I thought "what the heck" and picked it up. A few months later and I finally made it past the halfway mark... not that it hasn't been a good one, but my heart hasn't been in it. So why am I rambling about this book? Well, as I've been in this mood one of the triggers for it (at least a conclusion that my pensiveness has brought me to) has been the feeling of a lack of purpose.

When you're somewhere new and around new people it's easy to feel drained and second guess the confident decisions you made months ago.

That's where the book Restless comes in. On page 122, Jennie writes:

"Let's start with what we can know. We know our mission is to know God and make him known. We know at least a glimpse of the story of God through Scripture. We know we are to love, without warrant, every person God puts in our paths. And we know we are to love God more than all of that. You'll remember that though we may not know God's specific, detailed will for us, 99 percent of being in the will of God is being wholly willing to be in the will of God.. Life is too short to spend much time worrying about where on this planet you should be. As Jim Elliott, the great martyr missionary said, 'Wherever you are, be all there.'"

Perspective has become a sort of "life word" for me in the past few years. And I find that my mood shifts dramatically when I have lost my perspective, and that's a dangerous thing. When things happen that we don't quite expect, the easiest thing to do and the thing that we most quickly do as humans is doubt God's purpose for us. But what if we are still in His purpose, it's just a different one than we originally expected?

What if His purpose for us is not exactly what we picked out and chose, but one that is painted with a much broader paintbrush... like bringing those around us to His light and love?

A few pages later in the book, Jennie writes: "Are you set in the places you are in because that is the most strategic place for you to preach the gospel? Let me tell you what happens when you start to think that way. Everything changes."

Elsewhere in the book she talks about having your personal "Africa" (as in your own mission field, maybe not actually going to Africa). Reading this made me pause and think. It's easy for us to get caught up in ourselves as we plan out our lives and what our next move is school wise, career wise or relationship wise. But as much as God uses those things for His glory, the ultimate purpose of those is not to fulfill us but to further His kingdom.

So if you're feeling a little lost as to what your next move is or what your purpose is, take a moment to stop and consider why God might have you there. He had Joseph placed in jail for a while and that ultimately brought redemption and love to a nation. He had Paul placed in jail and that brought many joy and knowledge through the documents that he wrote there. He had Esther placed in a palace with a stranger for a husband, and brought a nation peace through this. He can use you in the same way.


Don't get caught up in your own idea of a purpose driven life without stopping to consider whether it's a purpose that will get blown away in the wind, or if it's a purpose that is in line with God's great commission. A career, schooling and relationships are all great things, but they aren't the be-all and end-all of life. Love is.

Day Five: You Will Need Other People

via. TWLOHA

Day Four: The "Gift of Singleness"

If you had asked me ten years ago whether or not I would be single at age 20, there would have been no doubt in my ten year old mind that this would not be the case. When I made a written vow around the age of fourteen that I wouldn’t date until I was out of high school, I wasn’t sad because I fully expected that once I was out of high school and in the real world the perfect guy would just appear in my life. Looking back, those beliefs might seem silly and even sort of laughable, but I’m being quite honest when I say that I never expected to be single at 20. I especially never expected to be single after going to a Christian university, where there are tons of legitimate, Christian guys, for two years.

I have been around the church for a while and singleness is something that is talked about a lot in the church. However I believe that this is an area that the church hasn’t dealt with well. I believe that the words “gift of singleness” have been way too overused. It’s one of those phrases, like John 3:16, that has a powerful truth behind it, but that has been said so many times that people roll their eyes and brush it off when they hear it. Yes, I do believe that singleness is a gift, but some days hearing that makes me want to punch whoever said that first in the face (a fact which I immediately regret, because it was the apostle Paul who first suggested that this might in fact be a gift, and he was actually a single guy… whoops!).

Why It Isn’t a Curse

 

If you have grown up in the church, then you have probably heard Jeremiah 29:11, the verse that talks about God’s plans for you to have a good and prosperous future, about a million times. If you haven’t been around the church for a long time, I wouldn’t be surprised if you had seen this verse plastered all over graduation cards or heard a Christian you know quote this when someone is faced with a tough situation. I think this verse is a beautiful one, but I also think that it is overused. It’s a classic human scenario: we focus on a few words in the Bible that we can use in a multitude of situations. We look at the most encouraging verses and forget about some parts that may not be as nice and encouraging.

In the verses leading up to Jeremiah 29:11, God is laying out His plans for the people that He has exiled. Instead of just plunking them down in an evil city and leaving them to think about what they have done for the next 70 years, God actually has a plan for His people. He tells them in verses four to seven to settle into Babylon and live their lives; to build houses and work the land; to have kids and grow their families. Did you get that? He tells them to settle in and continue to live their lives. Even though this isn’t where they thought they would be God still wanted the Israelites to continue on and trust Him. He tells them what He wants them to do while they’re in exile, and then verse 10-11 come into play: “This is what the LORD says: “When seventy years are completed for Babylon, I will come to you and fulfill my good promise to bring you back to this place. For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future” (NIV).

So what do I think this has to do with the “gift of singleness?” I think that we need to remember that even when we feel like we are in exile – or if we’re being a little less dramatic, even when we feel like we should be in a relationship – God has a good plan for us. I love the way John Mark Comer puts his thoughts on the “gift of singleness” into words in his book Loveology: “Do you have the calling and ability from God to live single in order to serve God in a great capacity? Make sure you get that last part. For followers of Jesus, the point of singleness isn’t freedom from responsibility. It’s freedom for more responsibility. Paul thinks it’s great if you stay single. At the end of the chapter he says he think it’s “better” than marriage… to Paul, the point of singleness is to serve God in ways you can’t if you’re married.”

That last part is the part that always catches me a little off balance and makes me rethink this whole “gift” thing. Make sure you really digest what he’s trying to say. “The point of singleness is to serve God in ways you can’t if you’re married.” Just like God had a plan for his people in exile, He has a plan for us single ladies (and men) and it’s a plan that is one that can only be fulfilled in this context – the context of singleness.

Do you wonder “if God can do anything, why can’t He give me the husband I’ve been praying for for all these years? Heck, I’m not even looking to get married right now, but a relationship would be nice!” or something along those lines? I think that it’s a little inkling of doubt that Satan loves to use on us single ladies. I mean, I obviously need a husband to be happy, and God wants me happy, so why hasn’t He given me a husband? Put that way it seems shallow, but I think that if we are all honest, those doubts have crept into our minds from time to time.

What John Mark is trying to say, and what Paul writes about in his letter to the Corinthians, is that we have a purpose that we can only complete when we are single. We may not ever know what that purpose is, just like the Israelites were probably confused at why God had brought them all the way into exile in Babylon just to tell them to build houses and have kids, but if we are truly committed to trusting God, then we need to trust that He has a purpose for this “gift.” Yes, God could just give us what we want, namely a relationship/husband/puppy/whatever, with the snap of His fingers, but being the omniscient God that He is, He can see every step that we take and knows exactly the ones that we should take. To quote the great C.S. Lewis once again, “I am sure that God keeps no one waiting unless He sees that it is good for him to wait.”

Responding to “the Gift”

 

So the next time someone is trying to encourage you with those dreaded words, the “gift of singleness,” instead of being disheartened take it in the way that Paul intended. Both he and Jesus lived single lives that impacted billions and billions of people. We may not be able to compare our achievements to theirs, but we can’t forget that just as God was at work in them, He is at work in us, and sometimes that needs to be enough.

We can respond to this gift by doing exactly what God calls us to do in the great commission; by going out into the world and making disciples in His name. This might mean moving to a different country, or even continent – something that would be hard to do with a family in tow. This might mean volunteering at a shelter or an after-school program for school kids in your free time after work – time that, if you had a husband or a family, might be needed to do other things.

Instead of seeing singleness as a wall, we need to see it as a door. A door that we can open if we want to, that will lead to opportunities that we can’t even imagine. Singleness doesn’t limit us, it expands our horizons. You might be single for four months, for four years or until the day you die, so why not take every day as it comes and do your best with the time that God has given you here. Our lack of relationship status doesn’t give us an excuse to slack off when it comes to following His Word, so don’t ever use it as an excuse. Use it as an encouragement to step out in faith and do things that you thought you would be brave enough to do.

Day Three: Words Every Girl Should Hear

Seriously... I think this video should be a requirement for all girls. 

Simple truths + a few jokes = golden wisdom :)

"10 Ways to Get the Right Guy to Like You" 

Blimey Cow

Day Two: Love it or Leave it

Not sure where this is from/who said this, but it definitely took me by surprise when I read it on pinterest. What do you think? True or not?

Day One: You Are Worth Love

Welcome to One Single Saga (or OSS as I affectionately call it sometimes). This is the story of me, an anonymous, single, Christian, 20-something girl with a heart that sometimes longs for my own perfect Mr. Darcy (he's a lot better than Prince Charming in my opinion) but most of the time just longs for a life that's full of contentment, whether that means I'm content in a relationship or I'm content as a single lady. Hopefully this blog is an encouragement to you, because that's really why I'm writing it. Feel free to comment on anything you think I've left out, or add your two-cents, or ask questions? Singleness and contentment is something that I've spent a lot of time pondering and I love a good discussion on the topic :) 

So... here we go....

 “There is nothing more rare, nor more beautiful, than a woman being unapologetically herself; comfortable in her perfect imperfection. To me, that is the essence of beauty”

 – Steve Maraboli

Body image is one of my least favorite things to talk about... but I figured seeing as this blog is all about embracing singleness and the woman God meant you to be, then I should maybe add my two cents.

With great beauty comes great love… at least that’s what they tell us. Case in point: Taylor Swift (I mean how many guys can a girl date?!). So it shouldn’t come as a surprise that sometimes being single can shake a girl’s view of herself, in particular her looks. But I want to take this short little chapter to remind you: You Are Worth Love. Why? Not because you’re beautiful (which I firmly believe you are) but because God said so, and I don’t know about you, but I don’t often like to get into arguments with the Creator of the universe. 


I’d like to think that I’m a fairly confident person, but every once in a while a little voice sneaks into my head and tells me: “No wonder you haven’t found anyone, you aren’t pretty enough.” Now I’d also like to say that I’m confident enough to ignore that little voice, but if I’m being honest (which I guess is the whole point of blogging), sometimes I can’t help but feel like that those words have some truth to them. With a world that is telling me that my hair has to be this way (straight, obviously), my face has to look another way (with make-up of course, which I am usually too lazy to use) and my body has to be this way (dang, my arms are skinny), it’s easy to not feel beautiful 100% of the time. And without beauty how am I supposed to get the guy? 

This is a myth. A complete and utter myth. Actually, it’s a lie and a myth.

Lie: you are not beautiful.

This is a lie because you are beautiful. In fact, we all are. Forgive me while I get a little abstract here for a second to prove my point… If you compared beauty to baking cookies, it wouldn’t be use-a-cookie-cutter-so-they-all-look-the-same kind of sugar cookies. It would be the roll-them-in-your-hands-they-come-out-all-looking-different kind of double chocolate chip cookies that never seem to last very long in my house. If that doesn’t make sense to you, then what I’m trying to get across is that beauty doesn’t have a specific definition. 

Being beautiful is not being 110 pounds, it’s not being curvy, it’s not having super long straight hair or a short curly cut; it’s all of the above. So don’t believe this lie. It’s one that we have been fed by hundreds and thousands of people since we came into this world, and it’s one that we need to shake off or we won’t ever be able to look ourselves in the mirror with confidence. Don’t get me wrong, there will be days that you don’t feel beautiful, but that doesn’t mean you aren’t beautiful. There’s a difference between feeling and being. Feelings come and go, but belief is rooted in knowledge of something greater: that God made you for a purpose and He made everything about you, right down to your unruly hair and crooked teeth.

Myth: outward beauty gets the guy.

I think that this is an area where we don’t give guys enough credit. We seem to think that guys are only interested in someone with mile long legs, a great tan and a stunning smile, but I know a bunch of guys that would beg to differ. Just like God tells Samuel not to look only at the outward appearance, so too does he call our brothers in Christ to look a little deeper. To put it into a picture, let’s imagine someone gives you a beautifully wrapped gift. Obviously, since the wrapping is so beautiful, the present inside has got to be something stellar. But once you unwrap it all that you find inside is a stinky, dirty sock. Not that girls that meet our world’s idea of “beautiful” are stinky, dirty socks, but if we know that we are looking for a guy that’s both handsome on the outside and handsome on the inside, why is it so hard to believe that guys might have that same standard.

Okay, but let’s get back to the purpose of this post: to remind you that you are worth love. I mentioned earlier the reason why I believe this, because the God of the universe said so, but I didn’t really explain why I believe this. 

I believe this because you and I are the reason that God sent his one and only son down to Earth to die a painful death. C.S. Lewis writes: “He died not for men, but for each man. If each man had been the only man made, he would have done no less.” If the great C.S. Lewis is a believer in this idea, then I think it’s one that I can get behind, especially because it’s an idea that is sprinkled all throughout the Bible. Jesus came and died so that we could have eternal life. He could have just stayed up in heaven, living the good life, but because of his great love for each of us, he decided to take the hard road. And if Jesus thinks we are worth loving, then why should we settle for anyone who believes less than that?